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Here is my philosophy on marriage, from a guy, for guys.
So you got married because you were "in love," like it was this magical thing that determined that you clearly should spend the rest of your life together, or at least until the feeling wore off.
Here's a little secret: "In love" won't hold a marriage together.
"In love" in a marriage happens, but if you expected it to always be there, always stay hot, you misunderstand humans.
"In Love" is the product of meeting needs, being vulnerable, and being good to each other.
Marriage is a contract based on a promise to make it work until you die.
You joined your lives together because two is better than one in this life.
But just because you got the job doesn't mean you don't have to do the work.
Want to keep her? Keep doing what got her.
Keep being good to her.
Keep writing her love notes.
Keep calling her when you can't be there.
Keep surprising her pleasantly at times.
Balance her weaknesses with your strengths, and let her balance your weaknesses with her strengths.
Keep being kind.
Not nice. Kind.
Remember what I wrote about being friends?
Your spouse needs all of that and more.
She deserves truth.
She deserves your dedication to making it work and helping her be all that she can be.
And she deserves to have a spouse that she can look up to. So don't quit taking care of yourself.
Now, lest you imagine that I'm saying don't be "in love," that isn't what I'm saying.
In fact, I encourage you to do all that you can to be "in love" with her.
And here are a few more important things to remember.
You are listening to what you say.
So, when you talk about her, brag about her.
When you talk about her, celebrate her.
And when you talk to her, build her up.
What you say becomes what you believe.
So when you complain about her, put her down, or disrespect her, you hear that, too.
You do not have to always agree. In fact, if you always agree, one of you is redundant.
If you're not yet married or just got married, get yourselves figured out as a couple before you start having kids. The years before kids will be the time that you feed the two of you and the marriage you chose to create. It will build the foundation that you're going to need when the kids arrive.
You cannot know if you'll have an easy or difficult child. You cannot know if terrible things will happen. And when things become challenging, you need to have a connection that keeps you facing each other, not looking for exits.
And, for the ladies reading this, it all works the same in reverse.
Be in love.
One degree!
I'm on a weekend night call schedule this weekend, which always leaves me feeling under-rested and generally icky.
But I wanted to remind you that outdoor exercise without screens is really good for your mental health.
Go outdoors, preferably into the woods.
Get in tune with those surroundings, the sights, the sounds, the smells, even the movement of air and the varying temperatures as you walk.
We were made to be outdoors.
We were definitely not made to work in cubicles.
One Degree!
What you want from your body will dictate what you need to set as goals, and the goals will determine what you'll end up having to change to attain them.
I've spoken many times about systems being better than goals, and my position has not changed.
But goals are easier to discuss and to understand, so for this week, we'll be very specific about goals.
Do you want more muscle mass?
Do you want to be stronger?
Do you want to run faster?
Do you want to gain weight?
Do you want to lose weight?
Do you want to improve general fitness?
Do you want longevity?
Do you want strong bones?
Do you want to earn a Black Belt?
Understanding the benefits and costs of each particular goal may help you decide what you want.
For example, if you want to compete in body-building competitions, you'll not be doing the same thing as if you were focused on longevity. Same with strength competitions.
But general fitness and longevity go fairly well together.
Running is great but will increase the likelihood of needing knee or hip ...
I'll make this one short and to the point.
Spring time change is hard on all of us. Having to get up an hour early doesn't make going to bed an hour earlier much easier.
Yes, it's nice to have more productive time in the evening.
But it's at the cost of forcing us out of be an hour earlier, as we all know.
Our challenge is to adjust our circadian rhythm to match the world's expectations around us.
My main strategy is supplementing with a dose of melatonin about a half hour before I need to be asleep. It helps most people fall asleep more readily.
If you need a nap during your day, take it between mid-morning and early afternoon. Limit it to 20 minutes.
Taking a longer or later nap may make it even harder to get off to sleep in time.
All of the other normal advice applies even moreso:
- Take a 20-minute walk after supper.
- No screen time for the last hour before bed.
- Listen to calm music after supper.
- Don't eat for 2 hours before bed.
- Don't have conflict-laden conversations ...
